A Red vs Blue Halloween
by Nan the Keyblade Master
Summary: When the Blood Gulch crew makes a teleporter to find the woman who's responsible for making Church and Simmons go crazy, they are sent straight to Remnant! Will they find this woman... or will they be screaming their heads off while not realizing it's Halloween?


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story.**

* * *

 **BGM: Blood Gulch Blues (Red vs Blue)**

"Lopez! Is the teleporter ready?!" Sarge impatiently asked.

"Si!"

"Excellente! Now we can just figure out how to work this thing!" Sarge said. "Someone gather up Simmons and Church!"

"I'll go do that!" Caboose said, who just popped up out of nowhere.

"Gah! Where'd YOU come from?!" Donut asked.

"The front door."

"No, like… how did you just- oh never mind." Grif muttered. "I'll go get Simmons."

"And I'll go get Church!" Caboose said as he happily skipped over to the blue base.

Why did he happily skip? 'Cause he's Caboose!

* * *

 _A few minutes later…_

"Why the HELL did you drag me over here exactly?" Church asked, not exactly thrilled that Caboose dragged him over there as Sister and Tucker were there too, probably because there was nothing else better to do.

"And why'd you drag my sister here?" Grif asked.

"Now, we kept hearing you both screaming your lungs out to someone named Barb, correct?" Sarge asked, completely ignoring Grif's question.

"How did you know that?"

"Because if Simmons wasn't screaming this Barb person, we could hear you screaming her name too."

"Wait, Simmons has been screaming her name too?!" Church asked in surprise.

"Yep… and I have no idea why I am."

"I bet this Barb person is hot! That's why they kept screaming her name… because she's probably kinda hot!" Sister said.

"Or their girlfriend." Caboose said.

"Caboose, I don't even KNOW this Barb person!" Church said.

Caboose gasped. "She's a secret girlfriend that is so secret that even YOU don't know about her?! That's so amazing!" He exclaimed, causing Church to facepalm.

 _Note to self, kill this idiot when I have the chance…_ Church thought.

"So that is why I had Lopez make a teleporter for us so we can figure out who this Barb chick is, and then we can go on home." Sarge said.

"Or we can just kill her… because I don't know why, but I have the sneaking suspicion she's making horrible puns." Simmons said.

"That seems oddly specific." Doc said… who was also there, but no one seemed to notice until he spoke up.

"Gah! Where'd YOU come from?!" Tucker asked in surprise.

"Esta listo." (It is ready.) Lopez said.

"Perfect!" Sarge grinned through his helmet, as if he actually understood him for once. "Now all we need to do is find someone to test it!" He said.

Aaaaand cue everyone's eyes locking onto Tucker.

"…Saw that one coming." Tucker said as he prepared himself. "Coming through!" He said as he ran in, only to come out of a different teleporter covered in black. "Dammit! Not again!"

He soon came back to their base. "So how'd it go?" Church asked.

"Teleported over to our base." Tucker muttered as Lopez tweaked it a little, and then Tucker went back in… only to come out of Red base's teleporter and was covered in black. "DAMMIT!"

He came back in. "That didn't work at all!"

"Hmm…" Sarge walked over to the teleporter and rubbed his chin in thought, as an imaginative lightbulb appeared above his head. "Aha!"

"Ooo, shiny lightbulb!" Caboose said, apparently seeing the imaginary lightbulb.

"Instead of just tweaking it…" Sarge chuckled darkly. "We kick it!"

"Kick it? Is that a good idea?" Grif asked. "Sounds like too much work too…"

"Nonsense, Grif! What's the worst that can happen?" He grinned as he gave it a good kick… and then the entire thing lit up, crackling with electricity.

"That doesn't look good." Doc said.

"Oooh, kick it again!" Sister cheered him on as Sarge gave it another good kick… which for some bizarre reason, it caused it to overload and enveloped everyone in a bright light.

 **End BGM**

* * *

 _Meanwhile…_

 **BGM: Halloween Town (Kingdom Hearts)**

Ozpin chuckled, backing up to look at all the Halloween lights and decorations as he then looked at Glynda and Peach. "And you said two generators were unnecessary." He grinned.

Peach sweatdropped. "This is why I keep things simple in the Mushroom Kingdom whenever it comes to Halloween." She said, who was in a Tanooki suit.

"Oh come now, you ought to have at least a couple of generators." Ozpin said.

"Yeah… for power outages!" Peach said.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Glynda asked.

"Absolutely." Ozpin said. "After all, what's the harm in a little Halloween bash?" He chuckled as he walked away.

Peach and Glynda looked at each other and shrugged before walking off as Peach saw a few Toads in Tanooki suits as well, then spotting Mario wearing his Cape Feather power-up and Luigi in a Hammer Bros suit… and it was then that there was a green light shining in the corner of her eye before it disappeared. "Huh?" She wondered.

* * *

 _At the exact spot…_

"Ooogh… where are we…?" Tucker groaned.

"I have no idea…" Grif said.

"We could be at the spot where this Barb person might be." Doc said.

"Well that's great and all… but there's one thing we need to do first." Sarge said.

"And that would be?" Church asked.

"How's about all of you get off of me?!" Sarge asked as they were all piled up on each other.

* * *

 _Somewhere else…_

"You know… I hope we'll get to see Pit and Palutena again…" Ruby said, wearing a devil costume.

"Don't worry sis, we'll definitely see them again someday." Yang said, wearing a bumblebee costume.

"Really?"

"Yeah, and besides… you'll definitely see Pit again for sure… knowing how you two _bonded_ and all that." She teased, causing Ruby to blush in embarrassment.

"Yang!"

Yang laughed. "You two were so cute together, why I think Pit's thinking about you right now!" She playfully winked, causing her sister to blush an even deeper color of red.

Yang giggled and looked up at the sky. "Still, I can't believe we barely survived Hades… but on the bright side, he definitely went out with a Yang!"

"GOD DAMMIT, BARB!" Simmons and Church's voice was heard.

"Huh?" Ruby asked. "Did you hear something?"

"I did…" Yang nodded. "By my guess, someone named Barb is here and is currently being yelled at by someone."

"Yeesh, I'd hate to be her."

* * *

 _Blood Gulch Crew…_

"Yeah, that felt definitely close." Church said.

"Great, now we need to find this Barb person." Simmons said. "I want this nightmare to end!"

"Then let's split up and search for her!" Sarge suggested as they all nodded and split up.

* * *

 _Church…_

"Now let's see… where is that Barb bitch…" He wondered, pulling out his Sniper Rifle. "I know you're out here!" He said as he basically walked into Beacon academy where some of the fun was going on as well… and then he heard laughter. "Hmm?"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS!" Jaune yelled.

"You're right, it's not funny… IT'S HILARIOUS!" Nora yelled, wearing a female Thor outfit. "I can't believe you actually did that dare!"

Jaune blushed. "As if I wasn't the laughing stock of the school already…" He muttered… as he was wearing a wedding dress as a costume and Pyrrha was wearing a tuxedo, while Ren was wearing a warrior outfit strikingly similar to Shane from Mulan.

It was then that Church came in and saw it. "What… the hell…"

A girl spotted him during her giggles and smiled. "Nora Valkirye dared him to put on a wedding dress for Halloween while Pyrrha wears a tuxedo!" She laughed. "And he went through with it!"

Church took a look at Jaune's embarrassed face. "Somehow, I feel his pain…"

"HEY!" A voice yelled as Church spotted Sister who was in the crowd. "PICK HIM UP BRIDAL STYLE!"

"Wait, WHAT?!" Jaune asked as Pyrrha had a cheeky grin and then picked him up bridal style.

"How's this~?" She playfully asked as Jaune covered his face.

"Kill me now…" Jaune groaned.

"YOU GUYS LOOK HOT!" Sister cheered while everyone else laughed.

"Yuuuup, I definitely feel his pain." Church said as he walked away and then he bumped into someone. "Hey, watch it!"

"That is no way how to treat a woman." Glynda scolded.

"Wait… that voice…" Church looked at her. "Tex?"

Glynda raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Tex, you don't even remember me? It's Church! You left Blood Gulch and you're alive and… is that who you really are?"

"I honestly don't know who you're talking about."

"Oh come on! You never told me you were actually a witch!"

Glynda growled, and basically brought out her staff and pointed it at him… before he was blown to a wall. "OW! Was it something I said?"

He then got up, only to see Glynda pissed off. "Yuuup… that's definitely the Tex I know… soooo I'll just… go now…" He said as he took off running as Glynda chased after him.

* * *

 _Caboose…_

"Oh my gosh! Bobbing for apples!" Caboose exclaimed as he ran over and proceeded to dunk his whole face, helmet included, into the bucket as Weiss and Blake walked by, as Weiss was dressed as a witch and Blake dressed up as Puss in Boots.

"So, have you seen the Mario Bros and their costumes?" Weiss asked.

"I have. Luigi looks kinda cute in the Hammer Bros suit." Blake said.

"Yo, Blake! Weiss!" Sun ran up to them in an Explorer outfit. "We were just looking for you!"

"We?" Blake asked.

"Yeah, Neptune is-… oh come on, Neptune!" Sun exclaimed, as he was hiding behind a stand.

"I'm not standing next to that bobbing for apples! It has water!"

Sun facepalmed. "You have GOT to get over this!"

"I'm trying, okay?!" Neptune growled.

"Look, we can go somewhere else." Blake said.

"Sounds like a good idea." Sun said.

"For the record, I hate you for daring me to wear this dreaded thing!"

"Oh come on, it's fitting!"

Neptune emerged, wearing a Poseidon outfit. "Yeah, and Poseidon is a god who LIVES IN WATER."

"Well, you have to get rid of your fear someway!"

"Oh ha ha! Very funny!" Neptune growled before the four took off to go somewhere… and then Caboose emerged from the tub.

"Those silly apples! You may have won this round but I will be back!" Caboose said as he walked away… and then bumped into Oobleck. "Ooof!"

"So sorry, dear boy, I didn't see you!" Oobleck said as he pulled him up. "Nice costume."

"Uh… what costume?" Caboose asked, as Oobleck looked at him in surprise.

"You sound exactly like me!"

Caboose gasped. "I sound like you too!" He said. "Could we be twins from an alternate dimension?!"

"No… I don't think there's a thing as an alternate dimension." Oobleck said. "You are probably one of my students that took on some fabulous armor and got a voice modifier that copies my voice, aren't you?"

"Um… maybe."

"Ingenious!" Oobleck smiled.

"Thank you! I love it when I'm a genius, but none of my friends thinks I am!"

"Nonsense, my dear boy! I know a genius when I see one!" Oobleck said.

"This is the best day of my life!"

"Speaking of life, did you know-"

* * *

 _One long speech about 'life' later…_

"And that, my dear boy, is the secret to life!" He said.

"Hey Marty!"

"Doctor!"

"Sorry, could you give me a hand?"

"Coming!" Oobleck said and looked at Caboose. "See you soon." He said and went off to help Port with something.

"Wooooow… he was the smartest person I have ever met." He said innocently. "It was fun meeting him." He said and happily turned around, walking away.

* * *

 _Grif…_

"Come on… there's gotta be some Oreos around here somewhere…" Grif said, looking through cabinets and what not as Booniper spotted him and curiously floated over to him, poking him.

"Shoo! Can't you see I'm trying to find the cookies?"

Booniper blinked and then poked him again.

"I said shoo!"

Booniper raised an eyebrow… if Boos _had_ eyebrows, that is, and poked him again.

"God dammit! What is so important as to interr-" Grif turned around and spotted the Boo as he did a simple wave.

* * *

 _Tucker…_

"Wow! That is the CUTEST costume I have ever seen!" Tucker said. "And you look cute too, especially with those bunny ears. Maybe you could be a bunny, if you know what I mean, bow chicka bow wow!"

Velvet sweatdropped, who was wearing a ballerina outfit. "Thanks…?"

"I mean… you're wearing a bunny costume AND a ballerina outfit! You are so freaking adorable!"

Velvet blushed at this… and then they both heard Grif screaming like a little girl as they turned to see Grif booking it out of the building.

"Grif, where's the fire?" Simmons asked.

"Gh-gh-ghost!"

"There's no such thing as ghosts, dumbass!"

"No, seriously, there's a ghost!"

"Yeah right, don't be such a pus-" It was then he spotted Booniper who followed him… and then Simmons screamed as they took off again, as a question mark appeared above the Boo, wondering what he did to scare them as he looked at Velvet and Tucker and shrugged before floating away.

"Whoa! That was a cool ghost!" Tucker exclaimed.

"Velvet!" Coco walked up to her, dressed as a fashion model.

"Coco! It's good to see you!"

"Yeah, I was wondering where you were."

"Whoa ho ho! This is cool!" Tucker exclaimed. "You're dressed as a bunny ballerina and you're dressed as a fashion model! You two are both hot!"

Coco sweatdropped. "Um… thanks?"

Tucker then got between the two, side hugging them. "Why don't we just go to a different spot where we can be alooooone~?" He asked as both of them shuddered at the thought… before Coco violently kicked him in the crotch. "YAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He yelled as Velvet axe kicked him back, knocking him over.

"Hmph." Coco walked away with Velvet. "What's with him?"

"No idea, but he gives me the creeps…" Velvet shuddered, as they saw Fox, dressed up as a ninja, and Yatsuhashi, dressed as a Shogun, waiting for them as the four of them took off as a group to go somewhere.

"Bow chicka bow… ow…" Tucker groaned.

* * *

 _Later, with a reunited Red and Blue team…_

"So, did you find her?" Sarge asked.

"No…" Church said, panting. "But I found a crazy ass chick who… who… talks like Tex!"

Sarge raised an eyebrow. "Boy, your ears are probably hallucinating."

"P-probably… I'm glad I lost her though."

It was then that the others told them what they did, while Caboose basically told them the secret of life that Oobleck taught him.

"He was the smartest person I ever met. I hope we can be best friends!"

"Oh boy…" Grif sighed. "So, now what?"

"Hmm, while I was walking around, asking people have they seen this 'Barb' person is, but none of them knew, including this yellow haired young lady who didn't know what the hell I was talking about, I noticed something."

"What is it?" Simmons asked.

"Wherever the hell we might be, it's Halloween."

"Well, that explains all the weird ass outfits we saw." Simmons said. "And why that boy was dressed as a bride."

Sarge chuckled. "Send me a picture of that if you didn't already. But never mind about that… Men! It is Halloween and we are not dressed up! We must dress up so we don't raise suspicion!"

"Great idea!" Doc exclaimed.

"Yeah! I vote for dressing up in drag! Woo!" Donut cheered.

"Uh… doesn't our armor count as 'costumes'?" Grif asked.

"Grif, that's just the lazy way! We need to dress up!" Sarge said. "Blue Team should do it too!"

"That's the most dumbass idea I have ever heard." Church said.

"Okay! We'll dress up!" Caboose said.

"With me dressing up, I'll get ALL the ladies! Bow chicka bow wow!"

"Yeah! I'm gonna look EXTRA hot!" Sister cheered.

Church sweatdropped. "Am I the only one here who thinks this is a stupid idea?"

"Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna dress up, find this Barb girl before midnight… and if we don't find her, then we all head home and order two straight jackets for Simmons and Church."

"WHAT?!" Simmons and Church yelled.

"Sobre eso." (About that.) Lopez started. "Gracias a Sarge, Entramos en la tele y llego a este lugar y no hay forma de volver a casa. Estamos atrapados aqui por un tiempo. Asi que esto es culpa de Sarge." (Thanks to Sarge, we have entered the teleporter with no way of going back home. We are stuck here for a while. So this is Sarge's fault.)

"See? Lopez has us covered!" Sarge chuckled. "We'll be back home before ya know it!"

Lopez facepalmed. "Es por esto que no me gusta hablar con usted dumbasses. Nunca se me puede entender." (This is why I don't like talking to you dumbasses. You can never understand me.)

"So! Where should we find a costume?" Sarge asked.

"Hmm, good question… where to find one?" Simmons asked.

"New plan! Find a place to get costumes!" Sarge ordered as they split up, blissfully unaware of what Lopez actually said.

* * *

 _Later…_

"Alrighty, let's get our Hallo…ween… on…" Sarge said, seeing the Halloween party completely deserted as the lights turned off and Ozpin had put the generators away in a safe place.

Needless to say… Halloween was over.

"Good gravy! We missed Halloween!" Sarge exclaimed. "Grif, you were too slow to pick a costume!"

"Oh screw you!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Screw you, SIR!"

"That's more like it!"

"So… now what?" Church asked.

"Matar a sargento por su estupidez." (Kill Sarge for his stupidity.) Lopez suggested.

"I'm sure we'll find a way back home… hopefully. Not like we're going to be here forever, right?" Sarge asked.

But unfortunately… they were going to be there for a looooong time.

* * *

 **And thus, the Blood Gulch Crew will be enduring the shenanigans of RWBY! Not like it's a bad thing, right?**

 **Anyway, have a happy Halloween!**


End file.
